Threw away all my past memories, all the letters and things that are all from the past. (: Perhaps i should learn to live on my own, learning to be understanding and change to a better person. I realise that I shouldn't have take my family for granted especially my dad who stood by me and supported the whole family even though he cause me to feel so upset that im being born into this world for the past 16years. I understand why he want me to study hard and no matter how much i dislike this family for the past 16 years, perhaps its time i should grow up and learn to appreciate every single thing this is in my life now. ;D Look forward and live happily!

YAY. Im back to blog! (: My day today is just so oh-fabulous! Actually its only in the later part of the day, all thanks to this client who made me laugh like hell and i ended up laughing at practically every single thing that comes into my mind and anything that i come across on the bus, the people and some stupid things i hear. Was kinda stress in the morning because my aunt or rather my boss actually told me to double my steps because she said that its alr 10days but there isnt any progress and sales at all so the very worried me began to work doubly hard in the morning till the afternoon and i only have my lunch at 230pm.

Went to meet Boss after work and he treated me to Yoshinoya because he owes me a Pizza Hut meal luh. But because he went to make his specs that cost 200$ so the very nice me let him off by requesting for a Yoshinoya meal that cost half of the Pizza Hut meal. ;D And he told me about smthing that i kept laughing about luh. Im just in such a great mood that i can laugh at every thing even though it isnt meant to be a joke at all luh. I shall stop laughing at that matter but told him bout those drivers that made me laugh like hell today. ;x Took 82 home after dinner and after buying Selegie Beancurd home! (: YUMMY!

Went to work for the past few days as usual, more things for me to do as days pass by. (: Chatted with PA Sharon and she told me about the past coordinators. Hah. Im afraid i'll be like that Malay lady luh.

Getting more tired and restless each day that i can immediately fall asleep on my bed and sofa. Slept at 8+pm last night and 9+pm on Monday. ;] Oh yes, alena called me up yesterday. Supposed to meet her up today evening after my work but pushed it to another day because i need my sleep and i've got 4things to do today luh. Gotta rush through every single thing or else i'll be extending work again. Stomach isnt feeling very well these few days, the pain will come automatically if i dont have my dinner by 7pm and its bloody hell pain luh. Stop all these pain pleaseee!

Shall go prepare for work alr!

Went to work today morning at Mcdonald's and im hell tired luh. Couldnt keep my eyes open after 12pm today but i extended another hr till 1pm. (: Walk over to Ave8 to meet Xue Qin, pass her the calculator and head home. Today work was boring luh. Hell little customers, fussy customers but luckily theres still Cynthia, Fiona, Sao Yi and Ling Xiang there even though Mei Yun is wrking in the late afternoon and theres this attachment manager Andy today luh.

Talk on phone with boss den use the computer, chatted with Yan and Kenny. ;D Went to CompassPoint to buy some tops at U2 and bought lunch at McDonald's. Saw that bastard there working and he hid in the manager room not daring to step out to face me. Such an ass! Hate him and some people now luh. Flirts and bastards. I swear i wont speak to them anymore! Told boss bout it and i went home after hanging up with him. (:

Shall go continue chat with Yan alr. ;]

Thanks Yan, Boss and Joy for chatting with me early in the morning today through email and Msn. (: I was feeling bored and kinda stress again luh. Had lotsa jiaowei mails with Yan and we were typing like twits, true twits. Hah. Fond memories of our past during our primary school days when we would type like those twits.

To him i really dont know what to say once again. Yes, its true. I place all my friends infront of my boyfriend, not because of anything but because they were the ones who stood by me and helped me out all the times thats why i cherish all my friends and i wont neglect them even if im attached. I dont want to lose all my friends and lose contact with them just because im attached, if i knew things would turn out this way, i rather we stay single. Cherish all your friends and learn to appreciate them because we were once friends. If you can live without your friends and place your girlfriend before them then i think our thinkings are different. And i didnt give you any cold shoulder nor ignore you, if i have the time to sms, i would have replied you but this job isnt easy for me. I really really hope you'll understand all these things but it seems like you're still upset over all these and keeping it to yourself doesn't help at all and i didnt blame you for screwing everything up. You may think that im happy enjoying my life and neglecting you and thinking whatever im not trying to mean then let it be. I dont want to talk much bout this anymore, really. (:

Im not the happy girl anymore,
Im not like the past anymore.

Finally have the time to blog, getting quite used to the job but its really super duper tiring as days pass luh. Having about 6 buyers now or more than that and i've to arrange viewings and call the agents and stuffs like that.

Went off at 430pm since i requested to go off 2hrs earlier than usual, took bus 88 down to Hougang Point but when i was on the way, boss called me and said he couldnt make it so i called Kenny and Xue Qin and the earliest time they could meet is 630pm. Argh. Went home and change into smthing more comfortable and took bus down to Hougang Point again. Met up with Xue Qin at ave8 and we walk over togther luh. (: Saw Raniel, Lawrence and Derrrick twintwin! Damn happy luh. Sort of have some misunderstandings with Lawrence last night but hope to clear up all these misunderstandings by today, head home after dinner, sent Xue Qin home then Ling Xiang and Kenny sent me to the bus stop. ;D Went to Rivervale Mall get somethings and my dad came to fetch me up, head over to Punggol Plaza and the messages kept coming in luh, thats when the misunderstandings start. Home and slept at 9+pm, SUPER DUPER TIRED.

Luckily today my aunt told me to reach at 10am luh. But i alr woke up! Urgh.

Feeling so stress due to the job luh. I made like 1million calls today and ytd but i only found one place suitable for one client because of her budget luh. Wth. This job is killing me seriously! Requested to go off 2hrs earlier so that i can meet my friends luh. Luckily they agreed to let me go off earlier because i told them i would cover back that 2hrs on Saturday which means i'll only end work at 3pm on Saturday.

Going bonkers luhh. Facing the computer from 9am to 6+pm each day making calls and more calls! Urgh. And i've to wake up at 6am everyday and leave the house at 7am so that i wont be stuck in the traffic jam. Hah. What a great life i have!

First day for my new job at Tpy as a coordinator. (: Slack for the first day and i've got tons and tons of stuffs to do tmr. Hell for me man! I think i would probably work more than 9hrs and reach home late each day. But im still not being tortured by them because they're my uncle and auntie luh. ;D Gotta work hard in order to get commission and i must definitely work hard luh. The pay and commission is so so attractive! Hah.

Next month got another new job awaiting, working for my brother as flyer distributor. (: $6 per hr for me ONLY! Working during the night time after my job at Tpy on weekdays, there goes my whole week and im only left with Sat evening onwards to spare for all my friends and family so i've to cherish all my time from today onwards luh. Sunday working at McDonald's still.

Work yesterday with Wendy, Mike, Fiona, the morning aunties and Lawrence. (: Worked only 1/2 hr with that manager but luckily i've all those nice nice people to accompany me! Friday meeting up with Kenny laopo and maybe Meiyun wifey. Tmr gonna stay back in the office to look for sellers luh. JIA YOU TO MEEEE EH!

Kinda neglect him these few days or rather this whole week because of my mood and the job. Urgh. I seriously dont know how to plan my time luh. Dammit. Shall arrange everything properly by tmr! (:

My mood is slightly better today. (: Thanks to Lawrence, Sao Yi, Mike, Fiona and the morning aunties. They cheered me up during work yesterday especially Lawrence and SaoYi luh. ;]

Working with Lawrence the attachment manager, Mike, Sao Yi, Fiona and the morning aunties is probably the bestest day i've ever had after i came back luh. Even though the crowd came at 11+am till 1++pm, they still joked and laughed at some stupid things. ;D I love them!

Today working with the same o-people again excluding Sao Yi and including Santosh and Wendy. (: Didnt meet up with my friends ever since the holidays started. Shall contact them during the weekends because i'll be busy working this whole week but i'll be free on Saturday after 1pm alright. ;D

Especially to Kpl; Contact me alright! (: Love!

Please dont fucking screw up everything anymore.

Went down to work yesterday at 730am and i was late again. Work was tiring and bored luh. The crowd kept coming in and we didnt even have much time to rest till 2+pm until the crowd clears once in a while. (: Was extended till 3pm and my dad came to fetch me up. Bath and prepared and went out with dad to Amk to fetch my brother. Headed to CompassPt to have my lunch-cum-dinner but didnt have much appetite though. Walk around awhile and went home. Im too tired to even talk and walk so please dont bother me. Hah.

Working today as well at 9am till 3pm. Urgh. But i guess today's crowd wont be as much as yesterday since its Monday! (: Off to work alr!

Its been a long time since i felt so down and depressed. I dont know what happen to me either but i need some quiet time alone. Im feeling so upset that i almost cried out just awhile ago. Didnt have any appetite to eat today as well. Ate a hashbrown and a sausage in the morning during my breaktime and drank ice milo and i didnt touch any food after that. Urgh.

Sorry to all my friends but i wont be switching on my phone for the rest of today and probably tomorrow. (: Just leave me alone for the rest of today and tomorrow, that is all i ask for.

I need to sort out all my thoughts, please do not get worried. ;]

I may look happy on the outside but theres alot more behind this smile.
I may look happy on the outside but i may not be happy on the inside.

Met up with Yan at 310pm yesterday, was late because i couldnt find my keys when im about to leave the house luh. Spent 2-4 mins looking for it and it was found in my dad's room. Argh. Bumped into my dad downstairs when i was heading to the lrt station and spent 2mins talking to him as well. ;x Rushed over to the bus stop and waited for the freaking bus 27, its an old uncle driver luh. Took 87 down to Kaki Bukit after meeting Yan, met up with him and Jinwei at TechLink. Wanted to look for Yan's interview place but we didnt know wheres the place and we were lazy so we went to eat instead. ;D Took cab over to Bishan Junction 8 after eating with Yan and him while Jinwei went to fetch his girlfriend. Walk around the place and he left at 6+pm. Continued walking with Yan and bought my shoes while waiting for Jinwei and his girlfriend, like finally. ;] Meet up with them at 6++pm and we decided to go Hougang Mall, left without them. Shop around and i saw someone! (: Super super happy luh. Yesterday is my LUCKY DAY! Went to buy some food and took bus home at 8+pm.

Use computer awhile and watch tv, went out with dad to Kovan for Beancurd and Grass Jelly at 9++pm. ;D Head home, bath and sleep till today morning!

Went back to Mcdonald's to wrk this morning, tiring day luh. Stood for 7.5hrs and im dying soon. Thankfully theres Cynthia and Meiyun around if not i think im gonna get bored to death. Walk with them to the bus stop, they sent me there luh. (: Heard some things bout someone. Took 161 back home!

Slept at 2+am yesterday after watching 100% Entertainment, thanks to him for chatting with me to keep me awake. ;D

The more things people ask, the more i'll turn moody and angry. I know you care but i really dont wish to talk about it. If i want to say, i would have told anyone of you but i really really dont wish to talk about it at all, not even to a single soul. I please you not to ask anymore. Really sorry.

Going out to meet Yan in awhile's time. (: Accompanying her to Kaki Bukit for her job interview, stomach cramp comes and go every 1/2hr. I hate it luh. Making me feel so pissed with everything! Blog when i return!

Was browsing through some Taiwan Yahoo! Auctions sites and im so tempted by all those nice and cheap clothings luh. Urgh. Yet i can only see and i cant order because im saving up money! Anyone kind enough to donate some cash to me again? Hah.

Went out with my brother to CompassPt in the night just now, walk around there and bought his pants. Searched for my shoes but couldnt find the design i want. I shall be patient! Dad came to fetch us up at 9+pm after our dinner at Mos Burger. (: So inlove with Mos Burger nowadays.

JiaHong introduced me a job at his workplace but the person in-charge didnt pick up my calls. Probably not trying anymore because if the person wants to recruit people, she would have answered my calls luh. ;D Argh. Im waiting for the time to pass so that i can watch 100% Entertainment! Gonna stay at home for the next few days so that i can save the money up! ;]

Have been thinking alot these few days bout some things. (: Not gonna talk about it and i shall just keep it to myself. Some unhappiness and problems in my life that i dont even know what im going to do with it and sometimes why i face all these problems luh. This feeling sucks terribly, i swear. Dont bother to ask me what happen because i dont wish to talk about it and dont rub it in anymore.

Dont judge me by my looks and appearance, i may not be as happy as how you all think.

Yesterday was quite a tiring day for me luh. Woke up in the morning and went to get newspaper for my mum. (: Accompanied my parents to CompassPt to buy the printer ink refill and they left for KK Hospital while i went to the library. Borrowed books and walk around the shopping centre luh. Went to meet him and we went out. ;D Apologies to him because he couldnt carry out his plan because i wasnt feeling well luh thats why i didnt want to go so many places. ;x Sorry sorry! By the time we reach Raffles City i was feeling so tired and restless because of the cramp and i didnt want to go to a far place so we decided to head home and rest. Urgh. I hate cramps! So sorry! Reach home, bath and read my books. ;] Accompanied my mum to Punggol 198 for job interview at 8+pm, sat down and had drinks till 9+pm and my dad, brother and his gf Joreen came over to fetch us up. Went to Punggol Plaza for supper and desserts but didnt eat much because of the cramp. Head home and slept at 11+pm.

Today went to school, was almost late for school luh. Lessons start only at 830am because of the assembly, lessons was boring luh. ;x Collected our report books at 1010am and i went home after that. ;D Slept in the afternoon and woke up only at 2+pm. Bath and went to CompassPt to buy my brkfast-cum-lunch-cum-dinner and for my brother and his gf as well luh. (: Im nice!

Dearest Alena Huang wants me to blog about her and mention her name. ;D I shall be nice! Hah.

Finally a layout that i always wanted! ;D i love this layout truckloads and i dont think i'll change it till i find another layout that is much more better than this. Edited the codes myself and i spent 15mins editing it. ((: Gonna sleep soon incase i cant wake up tmr morning!

Receive a sms from this person whom i dont know who he is luh but he told me that hes Sir Bing Cai's friend. Urgh. I hate this sort of people, probably ask Sir Bing Cai tmr morning or afternoon after i wake up. ;] Shall go have my sweetest sleep!

Smthing happened just now, feel guilty towards her because she was scolded for nothing and she was insulted when she didnt even do anything wrong. Im really really very sorry to you!

Sorry to dearest as well because i pangseh-ed him today. Wanted to meet him up but couldnt in the end because of some reasons and he knows why luh. ;] Accompanied my dad out to see the doctor again at Kovan, waited for like an hr and he send me home before going to the temple.

Im trying to save up money so please dont tempt me to waste my money on other stuffs. ;D Hah. Havent check out the price of it yet but probably will do so tmr or wed. I must get that thing luh. (:

Dearest came over awhile ago and surprised me with Kim Jeong Hoon album and poster, handphone accessory from Gift-A-Name and lunch from Thai Express. Was happy and touched but he lost his wallet luh. Sigh. Feeling so bad and guilty towards him because of smthing when he send me home. Im so sorry!

Slept at 3+am last night and im awake at 8+am today. Wth. Might be going out ltr on but im not sure yet though. ;D

Browse through alot of online shops just now and saw this Puma bag i love it but its like so expensive luh, costing 38$! Argh. Even though its not really expensive but for me this poor girl here, its kinda expensive. Hah. Any nice souls willing to donate money to me?

All my gorgeous hunks! I LOVE THEM. ;D

Deleted one post alr because of Alena, she regretted telling me to post smthing in my blog. ;x right girl? lol.

Today stayed at home watch Da Chang Jin till 1+pm and went to Rivervale Mall to buy my lunch. Wasnt feeling very well because of the headache. Bought home my brkfast-cum-lunch and continued watching Da Chang Jin. Didnt finish up my food, didnt have much appetite to eat luh. Chatted with him when hes on break, im nice. ;D Accompanied dad out to Tpy to fetch my brother and they had their lunch there. Took train down to Orchard with my brother while my dad went to the temple luh. Walk from Wisma down to Heeren, CentrePoint, Plaza Sing and lastly, Bugis. We walked all the way luh. Hell tiring but didnt find my shoes. So upset luh! All the shops we went into didnt have my size and i couldnt fit into their shoes. ): Bought my belt and my brother bought rings for his gf and him. Was mistaken by that salesperson! Argh.

Dad came over to Bugis to fetch us up at 9+pm and we went back to Plaza Sing to collect the rings. Drive him to Amk and went home to fetch my 2nd brother, drive him back to camp and went back to Amk to fetch my eldest brother. lol. We're busy humans. Was out since afternoon and im so tired luhh. My headache is going worst! Argh. I hate having headaches!

Just woke up not long ago, slept at 11+pm last night. ;x Slept for full 12 hrs and now im having a headache.

Stayed at home yesterday in the night till 10+pm, accompanied dad out to Plaza Sing because he wants to make some payment for Citibank. ;D Went to Bugis after that, brought drinks from Mcdonald's. Went home after that and sleep! Didnt have my dinner last night luhh and now my stomach is feeling so so empty!

I feel so upset whenever i pinch him but he still treats me nicely. Feeling so guilty luh. I shall learn to treat him nicely. ;D

Went to school late yesterday, reached school only at 940am. Met Alena outside the library because she was late also luh. Pe lesson was cancelled because of the haze, went to the library for movie instead but i cant remember the title of the movie. ;D After school head home and accompanied my dad to the doctor at Kovan at 12+pm. Waited for him from 130pm to 3pm, the queue is very long luh. Sms-ed with him throughout, went down to this temple at Bright Hill Road with my dad after that. He went for chanting and i went walking around, walked to Blk 403 just 1 road away and bought marsh potato and drinks! (: Went to Tpy to fetch my brother after that and we went to Plaza Sing because my dad wants to pay his bill, had Pastamainia with my dad and brother. ;] Went home at 5++pm because my dad got wedding dinner to attend luh. Hah.

Went to CompassPt with him at 7+pm. Return my storybook and bought food from Mos Burger and he send me home. ;D Hes such a big bully! Bully me somemore and you'll get pinch by me!

School today was ultra boring, almost 1/2 of the class didnt turn up for school today and the remaining half was in school either playing or sleeping. Yan and Nita didnt attend school today as well. The teachers taught almost 1/2 of the period and left us alone doing our own things because it wasnt like a class luh. Pathetic indeed.

Went to meet Yan after school today, had lunch with her at at Hougang Mall's Kfc. Finish and we took bus home luh. Was tired and wanted to watch Da Chang Jin. ;] Thinking of skipping school tmr and next Monday but still thinking about it luh. Think the girls are not going to school on Monday, probably stay at home and sleep and i might as well go to work instead of going for classes with less than 1/2 of the class in school. ;D

Dad's birthday tmr and my brother might bring my dad out for lunch-cum-dinner but its not yet confirm because of my Aunt's wedding in the night. Might be going for a movie with my brother and his gf luh even though i didnt want to be a lightbulb. Hah. I need a job for my weekends! ;x I think everyone would say that im mad because i alr got a full time job during the holidays and the pay is kinda high for my age but calculating all the things i've to get and pay for the family, im definitely short of cash still. Argh!

Got my colourful mashmallows from him! ;] He went down and got it for me yesterday luh. Its so nice and yummy!

Off to chat with Yan! ;D I WANT A WEEKEND JOB!

1more week to the start of the holidays! ;D and im currently looking for night time job in the weekend. Anyone got any lobangs pls tell me okay! (:

Yesterday took train down to Serangoon to meet Yan, Roy, Jeremy and WeiLiang. Was late for 1/2hr because of my dad. Screw him. Took train down to Vivo City, was laughing at torto and mario in the train with Yan. Went to IP Zone to get Roy's jacket changed and we went walking around den after that to Foodcourt for drinks! ;D Went to Vivo Mart to get plasters and to Candy Empire! I wanna get those marshmallows luh but short of money. Im gonna get those many colours mashmallows during the holidays! ;] Roy and Jeremy left first den we took train back to Serangoon. Had dinner and sat at the interchange for a very very long time. ;x Didnt get to see 82 ytd luh! Damn upset and worst still, Yan saw her bobo but i didnt get to see 82! Argh.

Took 82 down to Plaza for Yan's interview. Took bus home and my dad was at home luh. Thank goodness he didnt lecture me for going home late. I shall be auto abit by not going out these few days incase he flare up again. ;D

didnt update in details for quite a long time because im lazy. ;x

tmr going down to Vivo City again for the fourth time, with Yan, dearest and maybe Jinwei luh. Chatted with him just now, hes making me feel so loved luh. ;D I shall treat him better since he didnt bully me today! Hah.

School for another 2wks and i'll be busy working everyday. Looking for a more better job for Sunday and night time. Any lobangs? lol. ;] i need cash urgently luh! my dad even tells me to skip school and go work instead of going to school because he doesnt have enough income for this month. Poor me eh? forget it. just gonna pray that school ends earlier so that i can work. ;D

talk to dearest on phone in the morning and afternoon. ((; hang up and accompanied my dad out for lunch and we came back home. Wasnt feeling very well though.

In love with Da chang Jin nowadays, its a nice serial to watch also luh. ;] But i missed some episodes alr! Gonna wait for boss to pass it to me!

I finally made up my mind. ;] Congrats to JinWei di and his stead also!

School is as boring as usual but luckily, we only have school till 27th which is only 2more weeks away. Dad's birthday next Friday and he've to go for my Aunt's wedding dinner, shes my aunt even though shes only 20++ but her father is my Grandma's brother so we've to call her aunt but who cares. Hah.

Visited Vivo City 3times this week, getting bored of it alr. But will be going there again next week cos Yan wanna get smthing and Shopping spree with my brother in Dec will be there as well! ;D My brother failed his driving license yesterday, kinda upset about it and hes very upset because he failed just because of 1 mistake and now he've to wait till January for the retake. ((: Probably 13th Friday isnt a good day.

Alrighttttttt, im going off.

Finally, the N's are over! ((; I've been waiting for this day to arrive!

But sadly, my flu come and go for the past few days and theres this big ulcer at the side of my mouth that causes alot of pain! I think i would probably go crazy if anyone touches my mouth or if i eat anything that would cause more pain to the ulcer. Headache for the past few days as well, but thankfully, slightly better today.

Goong is starting soon on 9th Oct! But i dont think i'll have the chance to watch so im looking for the vcds! Starting work on Monday, my job in the past. ;] Though i dont really feel like going back now since Joyce and the people whom im close with are ALL not around anymore. Wth. But since i alr promise to go back den shall just work short hours. ((;

Waiting for Da Chang Jin VCDs anyway, got lots of Vcds to watch! HAHA. OFF I GO FOR TV!

Time flies. Will be having my first N'Level Paper tmr which is English and followed by more papers for the rest of this week.

Met Kenny yesterday at Hougang and saw Miss Ezarin there luh. Kinda shocked to see her there! Chit-chatted with him and the rest and he accompanied me to have lunch. Waited for Joyce, chit-chatted awhile and i took bus to Compasspt. Waited for Alena and we went to Delifrance to study. Hell luh. Their food are so expensive that i bet i wont go there anymore unless im rich! ;D Studied till 730pm and we left the place, went to the Community Centre walk around and my dad came to fetch me up. Felt kinda sian and bored yesterday luh. Probably is because of the exams that made all of us so stress! And theres Physics extra lesson tmr after my English paper then i've to study for my Geography! Probably going back to the usual place to study luh. ;] Stressssssssssss!

Studied like hell for the past few days, mugging from day till night just because of the exams next week. ((; Got back my Prelim Results Slip yesterday but our teacher got it back again for dont-know-what-reason. At least i scored 9pt for the prelims, hopefully i'll score this kinda marks for my N's or better than it.

Spent my days at CompassPt Library Cafe Galilee & the place was nice. Didnt go there yesterday, went to Tpy to study instead. Called up my brother & he told me to go up to his office to find him so i went up but didnt really concentrate. Yesterday was just a waste of time day, went to Joreen's house to study but i was really tired and suffering from a severe headache so i slept at the sofa. Slept till 10++pm and called up my dad to fetch me up. ;x

Alena and Yan didntt attend school yesterday luh. But luckily, Nita accompanied me but she was feeling down after school. Hopefully, shes alright alr luh. ;] Cdp period was boring as usual, chit-chatted with Jia Hong, Nigel and Rong twit but went to sleep for the last 10 to 15mins.

Didnt update for a long time, wanted to update just the day before ytd but my dad came home suddenly & he found out that i know about the password! But who cares anyway right? The more he disallow me to use, the more i'll use but of cos i will control my temptations luh.

Knew about our Prelims overall results & our class position and stuffs just 2-3 days ago & got back our Geography paper result on Thurs. Failed badly for my Geography, i dont know what happen also luh. ;x

Shopping spree with Yan postponed because we only had just another 2more weeks to save up the money but im broke alr luh. So we decided to wait till after we got our first pay den we'll all go shopping togther as promised! ((; I've got so many things to get! The job is confirmed alr luh. Will be working for my uncle at Tpy HDB Hub office from 1st Nov onwards for a mth. But im afraid i'll be bored cos its office work! So if anyone happens to be there working or whatever please call me up so that i wont be afraid of eating alone during my breaktime! ;D Might be going back to Mcdonald's for part time because of the lessons after my N's. Still considering though.

Chatted with Kenny through sms-es and calls since yesterday. ((; Poor him luh! Think he's under some stress because of work and her. Joked with him also to cheer him up! Meeting him next week or after my N's & he promised to accompany me out for lunch. And remember our date after my N's! lovelove(:

Im hell pissed with %him currently luh. He disappointed me again, maybe im unreasonable and stuff but its not the bloody first time he's like this. Whatever. History repeats once again, im sick & tired of all these luh. Fuck. Im so pissed right now.

Life without computers is boring! I've got many names to thank for all their birthday wishes & presents on my 16th birthday. ;] But im afraid i would leave some names out so if i left out your name, please dont blame me!

Just special thanks to my 2nd brother Jo & his gf Shirley for the Mickey Radio, my eldest brother Steven & his gf Joreen for the angbao, my mum for the angbao, Kpl family + Ming Rong twit, WaiYang & i've got no idea who shared the money for the Mickey, Matthew, Bryan, Kpl Family, Ming Rong twit, Wei Liang, Roy, Jin Wei, Mindy, Nurul, Jerene, Ai Wei, Xue Qin, Ling Xiang, Boss for the Leehom's Concert Dvd, Bing Jia, Jia Hong, Jeffrey kor, Mrs Brian & Jin Sheng korkor. I cant remember alr luh. Just wanna thank all those people for their gifts & the presents and they actually remembered my birthday luh. Even though this yr's birthday aint like last year but im quite surprised by all those birthday wishes & presents. ;] THANKS ALOT PEOPLE!

Getting more & more restless as each day pass luh, no computers life. Wtf. Feel like killing myself & end my life. Rahh. This life sucks!

Hell bored & pissed with my family.

Firstly, my dad's PMS came in the night on Sunday when we were driving my brother back to his camp & he started nagging when he found out that i topped up my M card using my OWN money & he insisted that its not my own money so i kept quiet because i didnt want to spoil my mood & argue with him because its 10+PM. But he didnt keep quiet so he nagged non-stop from Sengkang all the way to Choa Chu Kang & he finally kept quiet after i kept quiet throughout the whole bloody journey that i felt like opening the door & leave but the place was eerie & there were no bus-es so i couldnt do that luh. Slept on the way back because he bloody hell spoil my night with his unreasonable naggings but im just fucking used to it.

Secondly, he kept saying that i wont be able to be promote to Sec5 by the end of the year because i didnt study even though i did study! But because of this stupid shit, he changed the password to his laptop & i dont have the password to it so i cant use his laptop! But luckily, i just remembered that we've got another computer at home being left alone in one corner luh. I'll just use awhile luh, so now im taking this precious opportunity & chance to blog! Hah. But this dumb computer dont have Msn so i cant log into it to chat with my dearest friends. He even said that if i continue to be defiant he'll take away my freedom & everything from me including my phone & my mp3! Screw him. If he ever dares to take away my phone & my mp3, i would probably hate him to the maximum because i PAID for these 2 gadgets & he dont have the bloody right to take away my things without my permission. Its my own things & i swear, this is the BEST birthday present he give me throughout my whole life by spoiling my mood this week.

I wont forget the way he treats me from the day im born, up till now, i still hate him for all these things that had happened. Argh! Talking about him spoils my mood! I SHALL BE A HAPPY GIRL BY NOT THINKING TOO MUCH!

Changed my blogskin, put up background music, put up tagboard & im very very satisfied with my blog now. ;D Pardon for those dark words that doesnt match this layout for the previous posts cos im lazy to change it luh.

Tmr school reopen alr luh. Hell boring! Gonna mug like hell aft returning to school tmr. We've less than a mth to prepare for our N's! Shall pray everyday before i sleep to get good results. ;]

Other then studies isnt there other things that you can talk about? My life became so boring &meaningless since the day im born. So what if i can or cant do well in my studies? Does all that matters to you? Is it very important to you that your children have to do well in every single things especially in their studies? You never bother to ask how we're doing, what do we have in mind for our future. You just want us to study &study all day long, facing the books 24hrs each day is what you expect from us. We're humans too, or rather im a human too. I dont expect love from you because i know your character, i dont expect care from you because i know its impossible. What i want is freedom but i know you wont give us freedom till we achieve what you want from us because this is the bloody way you treated brother in the past. I cant be like him, torturing myself in order to prove to you that we aint what you say we are because im sick &tired of all these shit. You're trying to imply to me that im useless & i wont be able to make it to JC or Poly but all these words meant alot to me. Instead of encouraging, you said all those words to make us study. After i read through my diary yesterday, i realised i've been unhappy for 16years &my life is full of hatred for this family except for sometimes. You often ask me why am i always showing a black face, but think, do you think i want this to happen? You're the one who caused all this, you're the one who made me unhappy for the past 16years. I dont live to study, but yet, you made us feel that studying is what life is about. I dont have the choice to choose what i want in my life, i dont have the choice to make my own decision in all things. Whatever i do is wrong, you're in the right. Im fine with that because at the end, im going to make my own choice after i graduate &i swear, i wont tolerate all these for long anymore. Dont ask me why i always mention that i want to leave this house &move out, the only reason that can make me unhappy is you.

Im sorry for bringing sadness into this blog but i really need someone to talk to but i just cant bring myself to say all these right infront of someone because i know i would feel worst if i were to talk about all these. Argh! I feel like committing suicide!

Went out today with dearest Yan. Went downstairs &waited for her at the bus stop, got my Geography file from her &i went home to put the file. Took bus to Hougang Mall &took bus to Toa Payoh. Walk around awhile &we got really bored so we took bus back to Hougang Mall, walk around awhile &took bus down to Hougang Green for dinner. Madness there, crazy people we saw there but its normal luh. Always get to see different sorts of people when im out with Yan. ;D Took bus with Yan &i alighted at Hougang Interchange &took bus back home. Kinda disappointed &angry bout smthing, Yan knows it luh. But its alright, i shall try my luck again next week since i get to see him once today in the afternoon.

Mood aint really good, reach home &my brother, my dad &me went out for dinner at Punggol Plaza. Brother asked me what i want for my birthday but i didnt know what i want so i just told i dont need anything. But what i really want is just quietness in my life when im at home, i dont like the life of going home everyday &get scolded or naggings every single day. I would most probably stay at home this coming Thursday, dont intend to go out at all luh. Reach home, dad nagged again. Just dont like it luh!

AHHHHH. My life sucks!

I just wish for my life to be filled with laughter &happiness on my 16th, that is all i want. Is this very hard?

Ltr going out with Yan for lunch &to get my Geography file. ;] Yesterday's MSN conversation did cheered me up abit, thanks to Yan, MingRong &Waiyang. Hooked onto a new Korean Serial - My Girl. ;] Nice nice! But i cant possibly watch all the episodes at a go so i've to watch 2 episodes each day luh. Watched till Episode 7 but the computer just shut it off. Damn pissed with it! Probably i'll watch it ltr on in the night, or maybe tomorrow? I've to remind myself to study! MOTIVATION!

Shall go buy lunch for my eldest brother, im a nice sister. ;D Because im given tips for buying lunch! HAHA.

Yesterday Geography Remedial from 9am to 230pm. Went to Hougang Green with Alena &Yan after that for dessert at Mcdonald's. Went home after that &accompanied my dad out to ave8 for dinner. ;] Stayed at home till 9+pm &my dad brought me &my brother to Kovan for Beancurd. Head home &slept at 11+pm.

Today supposed to go school for Physics extra lesson but i didnt go because of Maths tuition luh. Woke up at 10+am, watched My Girl Epsiode 1&2 den went to prepare. Waste late for 15mins for tuition at CompassPt BurgerKing. ;] Studied till 3PM &went to Aiwei's house for awhile because i've to wait for XueQin &boss luh. ((; Walk back to CompassPt while she went off to somewhere else, met up with boss first, walk around CompassPt while waiting for the Queen XueQin. lol. Went to meet her at 5pm, foodcourt for their lunch-cum-dinner &i had dessert. Head home at 6pm cos i wasnt in the mood luh. >.< Took 27 home, didnt see him again.

Today's Thursday again. A day out with my family for dinner as usual, but today mum's out with her friends i think &my eldest brother got night training. So its my 2nd brother &me &my dad! ;]

Tmr meeting Yan for lunch &to get my file luh. ((; Have to study for my Geography test next week! Next thursday coming real soon, but i dont look forward to it at all luh. Not celebrating this yr &i just dont have the mood to celebrate. Hah.

Finish my SS paper, finally. Im glad that the only topic i actually reallied study came out! ;] Wrote 5pages in total luh. Mood turn back once again, i dont know why. It just happened suddenly again, i cant control my feelings &my mood. I feel like crying all my hearts out but i cant! I think im going to die soon luh. This whole month gonna mug for my N's with all my might but i think i would probably die on the last day of the paper, gonna cry out on the last day of the paper which is in Oct &its quite long away.

I need to buck up! Tmr we still have to go back school for the Geography Remedial from 9 to 3pm. And i've Maths tuition tonight! >.< Felt like dying, really. Now you know why im so stress! STRESS.

Mood slightly better today, but still not very good luh. Chinese N'level Paper I &II was alright, luckily i didnt screw up the 2papers or else i dont know which one to aim for. ((: Its quite easy luh &i didnt touch my Chinese books at all. Didnt have the mood to study luh. Got Chemistry tuition yesterday &it was alright. >.< Wasnt in the mood to do anything at all, not even touching my books. But i did touch my Social Studies books for awhile, flipped through some pages &closed it. ;] At least i read some sentences or rather a paragraph in total. Tmr's Chinese Listening &Social Studies paper. I wonder whats wrong with MOE. Putting our SS paper at 1400hr when we end our Listening at 830hr. Its a bloody waste of our time in between the hrs luh but im not gonna go home after Listening luh. Going out to mug for my SS paper, last minute mugging with Yan. ((: Pray hardddd for tmr's SS paper!

Getting more &more restless &moodless as days goes by. I myself dont even know whats wrong with me, i really wish i can just leave this place ¬ come back anymore but given my age, i know i cant do this at this moment of time. Tmr's my N's Chinese paper &i really dont have any mood to sit for the exam but i know i cant give up on this major exam because i dont want to repeat another yr wasting an extra yr in Secondary school life. Shall rewatch Goong during the school holidays after my 2 papers again luh. ((: Nice &touching! I need to scream out everything &cry out all this shit that have been staying in my heart for a long time alr. im going crazy!

I wont forget the words you use on me, just what are we to you? The words you use to describe me is too hurting. Im stupid, i dont have brains, so what? Is this all you can say? Even if im stupid or dumb, you still have to thank yourself for passing this genes to me. Stupidity. You're the cleverest in this house, we're the dumb ones. Happy? I wont be able to forget &forgive someone who would use harsh words on his children, or rather just me alone. Im the only daughter in the house, but i've to tolerate all these since young. If you dislike me then why bring me up? Might as well throw me somewhere else &dont recognise me. Im stupid, i dont study but you're the one who taught me all those shit. You always mention that you went to University, so what? I dont want to study just for the sake of proving to you that i can do it, i live for myself, not for you. I need motivation, but the way you motivate us/me is to scold us &shout at us calling us awful names. Now i know why this house was never happy before, im just sick &tired of all this. Dont blame me for leaving this house &moving away when i grow old because you brought this upon yourself. You cause all this to happen all the time.

Just finish watching Devil Beside You &its normal for my mood to be down again luh. Yesterday was hell for me, dad came back after i finish blogging &we went for dinner. Got a lecture from him from my house downstairs to when we're having our dinner back to home. As usual, i tried to control my tears but my tears just dropped when im having my dinner luh. But luckily, i didnt break down right there or else i bet everyone would be wondering what happen luh. Went home, went to the washroom immediately &broke down. I needed to cry all out but its not all yet, i had to control everything. Studied Chinese &did my English homework till 1230AM &went to watch 100% Entertainment, did my vocabulary book while watching. Received boss messages but didnt reply &i accidentally deleted his message &i didnt save his number! >.< Boss: Saw this? Sms me again okay!

Slept at 2+AM last night, woke up at 11+am today, received his message but i didnt reply. I just felt that why should i reply? He was the one who gave me all this &i dont want anything to affect my mood for the time being. Its been a routine in my life since young, my life had always been like this but i didnt want all this to be around in my life. I look forward to leading a life on my own outside without my family, i alr planned my life after graduating luh. ;D I dont need anyone in my life, not even my family because what for have them in my life when i know i wont be happy. I've never been happy since young, right after i was born. I rather isolate myself somewhere far away from them &live on my own. I dont look forward to this yr's birthday because of the N's &all these problems luh. Just pray that nothing bad would happen to me on my birthday &i will be very happy. This is my life, the life that i hate &dislike since young.

Im really feeling so down inside me, perhaps all these meant to happen right from the starting but i chose to avoid. Putting on a false front &happy face infront of my friends &family is the only thing i can do now, again even though i know i would break down soon, very very soon. I've been like this since young, i choose to keep everything to myself probably because i dont want others to know how i feel &my problems. Its my own problem, i should be able to settle all these myself but not everything goes my way all the time, in fact everytime. Apologies to my family for being kinda irritating at home nowadays, turned playful at home &went berserk most of the time because of this problems. I cant afford to be sad &down at this moment of time because i know at this very moment, IF if the people around me gives me more stress especially my parents, i will definitely break down. And that almost happened 2days ago when my dad actually couldnt stand my behaviour, they probably thought their daughter have changed into another person whos totally different from the past. Watching Devil Beside You made me feel worst, re-watched it just a while ago but only Episode 1&2 is enough to make me feel worst. I miss my boss! He was always there to listen to my problems whenever im down but we hadnt been contacting for quite sometime alr. I need someone to talk to! To my closest, its not that i dont trust you guys okay? Its just that i dont want you all to worry about me &spoil the happy mood that you all are having. I shall see when i can still stand all these but i can only say i've totally give up on this matter.

This week is becoming more &more tiring for me, probably because of the first 2papers that i would be having next week &some problems. Got back all my Prelim results &im quite glad that i actually failed 1subject which is Geography.

English - B4
Maths - A2
Combine Science - C6
Combine Humanities - C5
Geography - D7
Chinese - B3

Would have scored 9points if i were to have this results for my N's, getting more &more stress and worried for my N's alr. I need someone to lean on but i know its impossible, i've to learn to depend on myself no matter how stress i am. Conflicts between me &him is getting terrible this week, i didnt expect all these to happen. Im partly at fault but the way he reacted &the way he treated me made me understand some things. I wont force him &i wont think so much about this anymore, not even a single thought. I cant wait to grow up &fufil my dreams, i've got so much things to do when i grow up. ;D


Just finish watching Goong &Tokyo Juliet Episode 13. Both nice shows luh. ;] Gonna watch Wo Shi Jin Shan Sun since i've alr completed watching Goong! ((: Monday chinese paper &tues SS paper, pray hard!

23rd Aug`06
School as usual after the prelims, watched Goong on youtube in the morning till 1030AM. Bath &prepared &head to school. ;] School was alright, got back Maths Paper1 result &Chinese Paper result. Got 50/60 for Maths Paper1 &65 for Chinese Paper. Not very satisfied with my Chinese result but i cant do anything now. ((: After school went home as usual. Cant remember where i went in the night luh.

24th Aug`06
School was alright, got back Geography Paper results &i flunked it. Kinda upset &disappointed luh, but luckily, i didnt flunk badly. Got 47 for it luh. ;] After school head home as usual, dad fetched me up at the bus stop &went to Rochor. He went to get smthing there &we went to have lunch before going home. Slacked at home for like few hrs before going to Tpy at 9pm with my parents. Waited for my brother from 9pm till 11pm, went to Newton Circus for supper. Didnt eat luh. ;D Am going on a diet so i cant eat too much after 8pm. Hah.

25th Aug`06
Went to school also, got back Chemistry Paper2 results. Got 14/30 for it &Mr Rashidin told me that i almost pass but i didnt luh. Felt kinda alright with it because i didnt really study for it luh. ;] Went home after school &watched Goong Episode 7 &8. Ltr going out in the evening to meet WenYan for studying, not going for night class this wk. ((:

Go continue my Goong alr!

21st Aug`06
Happy birthday to my beloved sister Alena! ;] Spend my afternoon with my dad &went home at 5pm to watch tv. Watched till 5++pm &took train down to PS. Met up with Yan, Nita, Roy, Wei Wen, Wai Yang &lastly, our birthday girl at LongJohn. Had our dinner &went to SSC for pool session. While they're playing pool, Yan, Alena &me went out to play in the arcade instead but it was rather small luh. Made a fool of ourselves playing the machines, &Yan kicked the machine because her 1$ was stucked inside &out came 4 1$ coins! Lucky her eh? ;D Played Street Fighter &some games luh. Went in to look for them &watch them play pool till 9+pm, walk togther over to Mrt Station &i left to find my dad while they took train home. Went to Bugis with my dad, buy supper &walk around Bugis Village awhile, went home after that.

22nd Aug`06
Went to school in the morning at 715am for Listening Compre, went home at 845am. ;D Dad fetch me home, bath &prepared den accompanied him to Orchard Plaza. He went to work &i went to walk around myself. Walk up &down from Meridien to CentrePoint to Heeren &back to CentrePoint again. ((: Went back Orchard Plaza to look for my dad at 12pm den went to Hotel81 at Bencoolenn. Went to walk Bugis by myself, the sun was bloody hell luh! Its a pity for not visiting Sentosa today! >< Went to Kopitiam to eat after my dad oka alr, didnt eat cos i was not feeling well because of the bloody sun! Went to East Shore Hospital, waited for him to do his work. Sat there reading magazines for bout an hr &we went to Bedok South. Walk around for like 1/2hr &went to TampinesMall. Paid phone bills &walk around awhile, collected the PhoneBooks &went back home. Tiring luh! Spent the whole morning &afternoon outside walking about. ;D Tmr normal school day again, boring school life &my tuition days are back to normal from next wk onwards! Gotta start studying again, N's are just 2wks away!

I wanna rent vcds luh. Got so many movies to watch &serials to watch. ;D

Back to update! ;D Slept early yesterday night &i woke up in the middle of the night or rather early morning, use the computer for awhile &went to watch tv till 5+am then back to sleep. Woke up again at 7+am because of my brother &dad, bath &wash up, dad drive us to AngMoKio. Accompanied my brother to give out flyers for door-to-door at blocks luh, hell tiring! Went to 5blocks, total of 7blocks because we did 2blocks yesterday noon. Went to have McDonald's breakfast after all the tiring work, had our brkfast &took 88 down to ave8 to get dvds. ((; Took bus back home &watch My Super Ex-gf but i didnt watch all, was tiring so came online instead. Probably watch it ltr on in the night with my 2nd brother luh. Received a call from Chris just now, kinda shock but I just have to apologise to him luh. ;] Couldnt talk on phone with him just now cos i was outside.

Today is such a warm day! Tmr is the outing alr, meeting the ladies &the guys after their movie. ;] Looking forward to tmr but heard that not many are going luh. Kinda disappointed but its alright. ;D Off i go for my chicken wings! Yummilicious!

I got no idea why i hate him alot now, probably because he screwed up this whole thing. ;D Its up to him anyway, i shouldnt blame him because guys are always the same.

My head hurts alot after knocking onto the side of my door and its bloody painful. Am having a headache, pray hard that i wont go stupid after this knock. Helped Jin Wei to edit his blog before updating my blog, how nice of me luh. Not many are going for the outing this Monday, im still thinking about it of cos but it seems like this whole group doesnt seems as close as last yr. Probably because of the coming N's, everyone are facing stress &wants to cherish the time left luh. ;] I saw alot of things i want to get but short of money so have to save up to get all those things.

Im just not in the mood now just because of him. Screw him! Shouldnt have trusted him &i almost fall for his bloody trap. Im not dumb, im not stupid, im not idiotic!

Oh great, i finally changed my template and im going to make this blog public. Finally uh? I just felt that its so bloody boring that I've got nothing to do whenever im home so why not update this blog?

Finally, Prelims are all over for me. Yeps, not all of us because theres still D&T, F&N & Art paper this coming monday and the stupid Listening Compre on Tues but its not an important paper so i shant care about it. I just have to dig my ears clean so that I can just hear properly on Tuesday. Thank godness i dropped my D&T if not i swear im going to have more stress because all the 5subjects are enough to give me a severe headache and it sucks luh. I never feel so stress, not even for those previous examinations but this time, the stupid Prelims made me feel like im going to die so soon! >.< But luckily, its all over! ((; Just gonna wait for the results & wait for the arrival of N's! Hah. I want to do well for all my papers and get promoted, i dont want to regret!

I miss Hgpt Crews damn bloody much! ;D They're my lovelove and i didnt see them for quite sometime alr luh! Didnt go visit them even when i stepped into the shopping centre, i dont mean it anyway! Its just because I dont want to miss them so muchhh cos i know im going to miss them more if i see them. ;]

And this coming Monday its Alena's birthday! ((: Time pass damn fast oka! They're going out on Monday but im still thinking about it luhh. Hesitating to go because budget luhh. ;x I need money, i need cash! Anyone kind enough to donate some cash to me? Email me if you wish to oka? ;] I'll be very glad and happy!

Shall go watch my Princess Hours! ((: Its a very nice serial luhh. Korea Serials! Go catch it oka!

I've had never been so so so down before, all the things & memories hurt me still. The way he treats me now is like treating an enemy, i dont know what i want but i know i still want this friendship & i need this friendship no matter what had happen to us in the past. The way he treats me made me feel so so disappointed, i dont wish for all this to happen but he should know that whenever i need someone hes not around for me, i dont expect him around for me all the time but at least, show concern for his friend. Furthermore, i'm feeling very very very stress due to the upcoming Prelims which is like 12days away, how i wish the bloody time could pass slower so that i've more time to study for it. But as time pass, i just couldnt concentrate all day. )); This feeling sucks, everything just sucks!

School had been fine except that im getting busier & all that as days pass by. ;] I hate it when things goes wrong, the outer part of me hope that i could be loved by everyone but the inner part of it hates being loved by everyone, end up i tried practically all the ways to make those guys hate me. Who cares anyway, i know i wont regret doing it because i dont wish to be hurt by those people. I dont have the strength or energy to continue with my life anymore, it hurts too much. Be it my school life, my family problems, my love life, my own problems & all the stress, it really gives me too much stress that i dont even care bout other stuffs anymore. N'level is approaching, in like 2mths time & prelims is just 1mth or less than that. I cant afford to lose time, the outer part of my mind hates school & studying but the inner mind of mine told me that i would regret if i do not study hard for this major exam and if i wont be able to be promoted to Sec5 i would definitely regret. HAHA. Byeeeeeeeeeee ' THIS PLACE SUCKS, I WANT TO GET OUTTA THIS COUNTRY. ;D

New blog, new url. ;D

Every thing is not under my control, how I wish i could have whatever i wished for.