Other then studies isnt there other things that you can talk about? My life became so boring &meaningless since the day im born. So what if i can or cant do well in my studies? Does all that matters to you? Is it very important to you that your children have to do well in every single things especially in their studies? You never bother to ask how we're doing, what do we have in mind for our future. You just want us to study &study all day long, facing the books 24hrs each day is what you expect from us. We're humans too, or rather im a human too. I dont expect love from you because i know your character, i dont expect care from you because i know its impossible. What i want is freedom but i know you wont give us freedom till we achieve what you want from us because this is the bloody way you treated brother in the past. I cant be like him, torturing myself in order to prove to you that we aint what you say we are because im sick &tired of all these shit. You're trying to imply to me that im useless & i wont be able to make it to JC or Poly but all these words meant alot to me. Instead of encouraging, you said all those words to make us study. After i read through my diary yesterday, i realised i've been unhappy for 16years &my life is full of hatred for this family except for sometimes. You often ask me why am i always showing a black face, but think, do you think i want this to happen? You're the one who caused all this, you're the one who made me unhappy for the past 16years. I dont live to study, but yet, you made us feel that studying is what life is about. I dont have the choice to choose what i want in my life, i dont have the choice to make my own decision in all things. Whatever i do is wrong, you're in the right. Im fine with that because at the end, im going to make my own choice after i graduate &i swear, i wont tolerate all these for long anymore. Dont ask me why i always mention that i want to leave this house &move out, the only reason that can make me unhappy is you.

Im sorry for bringing sadness into this blog but i really need someone to talk to but i just cant bring myself to say all these right infront of someone because i know i would feel worst if i were to talk about all these. Argh! I feel like committing suicide!