Studied like hell for the past few days, mugging from day till night just because of the exams next week. ((; Got back my Prelim Results Slip yesterday but our teacher got it back again for dont-know-what-reason. At least i scored 9pt for the prelims, hopefully i'll score this kinda marks for my N's or better than it.

Spent my days at CompassPt Library Cafe Galilee & the place was nice. Didnt go there yesterday, went to Tpy to study instead. Called up my brother & he told me to go up to his office to find him so i went up but didnt really concentrate. Yesterday was just a waste of time day, went to Joreen's house to study but i was really tired and suffering from a severe headache so i slept at the sofa. Slept till 10++pm and called up my dad to fetch me up. ;x

Alena and Yan didntt attend school yesterday luh. But luckily, Nita accompanied me but she was feeling down after school. Hopefully, shes alright alr luh. ;] Cdp period was boring as usual, chit-chatted with Jia Hong, Nigel and Rong twit but went to sleep for the last 10 to 15mins.

Didnt update for a long time, wanted to update just the day before ytd but my dad came home suddenly & he found out that i know about the password! But who cares anyway right? The more he disallow me to use, the more i'll use but of cos i will control my temptations luh.

Knew about our Prelims overall results & our class position and stuffs just 2-3 days ago & got back our Geography paper result on Thurs. Failed badly for my Geography, i dont know what happen also luh. ;x

Shopping spree with Yan postponed because we only had just another 2more weeks to save up the money but im broke alr luh. So we decided to wait till after we got our first pay den we'll all go shopping togther as promised! ((; I've got so many things to get! The job is confirmed alr luh. Will be working for my uncle at Tpy HDB Hub office from 1st Nov onwards for a mth. But im afraid i'll be bored cos its office work! So if anyone happens to be there working or whatever please call me up so that i wont be afraid of eating alone during my breaktime! ;D Might be going back to Mcdonald's for part time because of the lessons after my N's. Still considering though.

Chatted with Kenny through sms-es and calls since yesterday. ((; Poor him luh! Think he's under some stress because of work and her. Joked with him also to cheer him up! Meeting him next week or after my N's & he promised to accompany me out for lunch. And remember our date after my N's! lovelove(:

Im hell pissed with %him currently luh. He disappointed me again, maybe im unreasonable and stuff but its not the bloody first time he's like this. Whatever. History repeats once again, im sick & tired of all these luh. Fuck. Im so pissed right now.

Life without computers is boring! I've got many names to thank for all their birthday wishes & presents on my 16th birthday. ;] But im afraid i would leave some names out so if i left out your name, please dont blame me!

Just special thanks to my 2nd brother Jo & his gf Shirley for the Mickey Radio, my eldest brother Steven & his gf Joreen for the angbao, my mum for the angbao, Kpl family + Ming Rong twit, WaiYang & i've got no idea who shared the money for the Mickey, Matthew, Bryan, Kpl Family, Ming Rong twit, Wei Liang, Roy, Jin Wei, Mindy, Nurul, Jerene, Ai Wei, Xue Qin, Ling Xiang, Boss for the Leehom's Concert Dvd, Bing Jia, Jia Hong, Jeffrey kor, Mrs Brian & Jin Sheng korkor. I cant remember alr luh. Just wanna thank all those people for their gifts & the presents and they actually remembered my birthday luh. Even though this yr's birthday aint like last year but im quite surprised by all those birthday wishes & presents. ;] THANKS ALOT PEOPLE!

Getting more & more restless as each day pass luh, no computers life. Wtf. Feel like killing myself & end my life. Rahh. This life sucks!

Hell bored & pissed with my family.

Firstly, my dad's PMS came in the night on Sunday when we were driving my brother back to his camp & he started nagging when he found out that i topped up my M card using my OWN money & he insisted that its not my own money so i kept quiet because i didnt want to spoil my mood & argue with him because its 10+PM. But he didnt keep quiet so he nagged non-stop from Sengkang all the way to Choa Chu Kang & he finally kept quiet after i kept quiet throughout the whole bloody journey that i felt like opening the door & leave but the place was eerie & there were no bus-es so i couldnt do that luh. Slept on the way back because he bloody hell spoil my night with his unreasonable naggings but im just fucking used to it.

Secondly, he kept saying that i wont be able to be promote to Sec5 by the end of the year because i didnt study even though i did study! But because of this stupid shit, he changed the password to his laptop & i dont have the password to it so i cant use his laptop! But luckily, i just remembered that we've got another computer at home being left alone in one corner luh. I'll just use awhile luh, so now im taking this precious opportunity & chance to blog! Hah. But this dumb computer dont have Msn so i cant log into it to chat with my dearest friends. He even said that if i continue to be defiant he'll take away my freedom & everything from me including my phone & my mp3! Screw him. If he ever dares to take away my phone & my mp3, i would probably hate him to the maximum because i PAID for these 2 gadgets & he dont have the bloody right to take away my things without my permission. Its my own things & i swear, this is the BEST birthday present he give me throughout my whole life by spoiling my mood this week.

I wont forget the way he treats me from the day im born, up till now, i still hate him for all these things that had happened. Argh! Talking about him spoils my mood! I SHALL BE A HAPPY GIRL BY NOT THINKING TOO MUCH!

Changed my blogskin, put up background music, put up tagboard & im very very satisfied with my blog now. ;D Pardon for those dark words that doesnt match this layout for the previous posts cos im lazy to change it luh.

Tmr school reopen alr luh. Hell boring! Gonna mug like hell aft returning to school tmr. We've less than a mth to prepare for our N's! Shall pray everyday before i sleep to get good results. ;]

Other then studies isnt there other things that you can talk about? My life became so boring &meaningless since the day im born. So what if i can or cant do well in my studies? Does all that matters to you? Is it very important to you that your children have to do well in every single things especially in their studies? You never bother to ask how we're doing, what do we have in mind for our future. You just want us to study &study all day long, facing the books 24hrs each day is what you expect from us. We're humans too, or rather im a human too. I dont expect love from you because i know your character, i dont expect care from you because i know its impossible. What i want is freedom but i know you wont give us freedom till we achieve what you want from us because this is the bloody way you treated brother in the past. I cant be like him, torturing myself in order to prove to you that we aint what you say we are because im sick &tired of all these shit. You're trying to imply to me that im useless & i wont be able to make it to JC or Poly but all these words meant alot to me. Instead of encouraging, you said all those words to make us study. After i read through my diary yesterday, i realised i've been unhappy for 16years &my life is full of hatred for this family except for sometimes. You often ask me why am i always showing a black face, but think, do you think i want this to happen? You're the one who caused all this, you're the one who made me unhappy for the past 16years. I dont live to study, but yet, you made us feel that studying is what life is about. I dont have the choice to choose what i want in my life, i dont have the choice to make my own decision in all things. Whatever i do is wrong, you're in the right. Im fine with that because at the end, im going to make my own choice after i graduate &i swear, i wont tolerate all these for long anymore. Dont ask me why i always mention that i want to leave this house &move out, the only reason that can make me unhappy is you.

Im sorry for bringing sadness into this blog but i really need someone to talk to but i just cant bring myself to say all these right infront of someone because i know i would feel worst if i were to talk about all these. Argh! I feel like committing suicide!

Went out today with dearest Yan. Went downstairs &waited for her at the bus stop, got my Geography file from her &i went home to put the file. Took bus to Hougang Mall &took bus to Toa Payoh. Walk around awhile &we got really bored so we took bus back to Hougang Mall, walk around awhile &took bus down to Hougang Green for dinner. Madness there, crazy people we saw there but its normal luh. Always get to see different sorts of people when im out with Yan. ;D Took bus with Yan &i alighted at Hougang Interchange &took bus back home. Kinda disappointed &angry bout smthing, Yan knows it luh. But its alright, i shall try my luck again next week since i get to see him once today in the afternoon.

Mood aint really good, reach home &my brother, my dad &me went out for dinner at Punggol Plaza. Brother asked me what i want for my birthday but i didnt know what i want so i just told i dont need anything. But what i really want is just quietness in my life when im at home, i dont like the life of going home everyday &get scolded or naggings every single day. I would most probably stay at home this coming Thursday, dont intend to go out at all luh. Reach home, dad nagged again. Just dont like it luh!

AHHHHH. My life sucks!

I just wish for my life to be filled with laughter &happiness on my 16th, that is all i want. Is this very hard?

Ltr going out with Yan for lunch &to get my Geography file. ;] Yesterday's MSN conversation did cheered me up abit, thanks to Yan, MingRong &Waiyang. Hooked onto a new Korean Serial - My Girl. ;] Nice nice! But i cant possibly watch all the episodes at a go so i've to watch 2 episodes each day luh. Watched till Episode 7 but the computer just shut it off. Damn pissed with it! Probably i'll watch it ltr on in the night, or maybe tomorrow? I've to remind myself to study! MOTIVATION!

Shall go buy lunch for my eldest brother, im a nice sister. ;D Because im given tips for buying lunch! HAHA.

Yesterday Geography Remedial from 9am to 230pm. Went to Hougang Green with Alena &Yan after that for dessert at Mcdonald's. Went home after that &accompanied my dad out to ave8 for dinner. ;] Stayed at home till 9+pm &my dad brought me &my brother to Kovan for Beancurd. Head home &slept at 11+pm.

Today supposed to go school for Physics extra lesson but i didnt go because of Maths tuition luh. Woke up at 10+am, watched My Girl Epsiode 1&2 den went to prepare. Waste late for 15mins for tuition at CompassPt BurgerKing. ;] Studied till 3PM &went to Aiwei's house for awhile because i've to wait for XueQin &boss luh. ((; Walk back to CompassPt while she went off to somewhere else, met up with boss first, walk around CompassPt while waiting for the Queen XueQin. lol. Went to meet her at 5pm, foodcourt for their lunch-cum-dinner &i had dessert. Head home at 6pm cos i wasnt in the mood luh. >.< Took 27 home, didnt see him again.

Today's Thursday again. A day out with my family for dinner as usual, but today mum's out with her friends i think &my eldest brother got night training. So its my 2nd brother &me &my dad! ;]

Tmr meeting Yan for lunch &to get my file luh. ((; Have to study for my Geography test next week! Next thursday coming real soon, but i dont look forward to it at all luh. Not celebrating this yr &i just dont have the mood to celebrate. Hah.

Finish my SS paper, finally. Im glad that the only topic i actually reallied study came out! ;] Wrote 5pages in total luh. Mood turn back once again, i dont know why. It just happened suddenly again, i cant control my feelings &my mood. I feel like crying all my hearts out but i cant! I think im going to die soon luh. This whole month gonna mug for my N's with all my might but i think i would probably die on the last day of the paper, gonna cry out on the last day of the paper which is in Oct &its quite long away.

I need to buck up! Tmr we still have to go back school for the Geography Remedial from 9 to 3pm. And i've Maths tuition tonight! >.< Felt like dying, really. Now you know why im so stress! STRESS.

Mood slightly better today, but still not very good luh. Chinese N'level Paper I &II was alright, luckily i didnt screw up the 2papers or else i dont know which one to aim for. ((: Its quite easy luh &i didnt touch my Chinese books at all. Didnt have the mood to study luh. Got Chemistry tuition yesterday &it was alright. >.< Wasnt in the mood to do anything at all, not even touching my books. But i did touch my Social Studies books for awhile, flipped through some pages &closed it. ;] At least i read some sentences or rather a paragraph in total. Tmr's Chinese Listening &Social Studies paper. I wonder whats wrong with MOE. Putting our SS paper at 1400hr when we end our Listening at 830hr. Its a bloody waste of our time in between the hrs luh but im not gonna go home after Listening luh. Going out to mug for my SS paper, last minute mugging with Yan. ((: Pray hardddd for tmr's SS paper!

Getting more &more restless &moodless as days goes by. I myself dont even know whats wrong with me, i really wish i can just leave this place ¬ come back anymore but given my age, i know i cant do this at this moment of time. Tmr's my N's Chinese paper &i really dont have any mood to sit for the exam but i know i cant give up on this major exam because i dont want to repeat another yr wasting an extra yr in Secondary school life. Shall rewatch Goong during the school holidays after my 2 papers again luh. ((: Nice &touching! I need to scream out everything &cry out all this shit that have been staying in my heart for a long time alr. im going crazy!

I wont forget the words you use on me, just what are we to you? The words you use to describe me is too hurting. Im stupid, i dont have brains, so what? Is this all you can say? Even if im stupid or dumb, you still have to thank yourself for passing this genes to me. Stupidity. You're the cleverest in this house, we're the dumb ones. Happy? I wont be able to forget &forgive someone who would use harsh words on his children, or rather just me alone. Im the only daughter in the house, but i've to tolerate all these since young. If you dislike me then why bring me up? Might as well throw me somewhere else &dont recognise me. Im stupid, i dont study but you're the one who taught me all those shit. You always mention that you went to University, so what? I dont want to study just for the sake of proving to you that i can do it, i live for myself, not for you. I need motivation, but the way you motivate us/me is to scold us &shout at us calling us awful names. Now i know why this house was never happy before, im just sick &tired of all this. Dont blame me for leaving this house &moving away when i grow old because you brought this upon yourself. You cause all this to happen all the time.

Just finish watching Devil Beside You &its normal for my mood to be down again luh. Yesterday was hell for me, dad came back after i finish blogging &we went for dinner. Got a lecture from him from my house downstairs to when we're having our dinner back to home. As usual, i tried to control my tears but my tears just dropped when im having my dinner luh. But luckily, i didnt break down right there or else i bet everyone would be wondering what happen luh. Went home, went to the washroom immediately &broke down. I needed to cry all out but its not all yet, i had to control everything. Studied Chinese &did my English homework till 1230AM &went to watch 100% Entertainment, did my vocabulary book while watching. Received boss messages but didnt reply &i accidentally deleted his message &i didnt save his number! >.< Boss: Saw this? Sms me again okay!

Slept at 2+AM last night, woke up at 11+am today, received his message but i didnt reply. I just felt that why should i reply? He was the one who gave me all this &i dont want anything to affect my mood for the time being. Its been a routine in my life since young, my life had always been like this but i didnt want all this to be around in my life. I look forward to leading a life on my own outside without my family, i alr planned my life after graduating luh. ;D I dont need anyone in my life, not even my family because what for have them in my life when i know i wont be happy. I've never been happy since young, right after i was born. I rather isolate myself somewhere far away from them &live on my own. I dont look forward to this yr's birthday because of the N's &all these problems luh. Just pray that nothing bad would happen to me on my birthday &i will be very happy. This is my life, the life that i hate &dislike since young.

Im really feeling so down inside me, perhaps all these meant to happen right from the starting but i chose to avoid. Putting on a false front &happy face infront of my friends &family is the only thing i can do now, again even though i know i would break down soon, very very soon. I've been like this since young, i choose to keep everything to myself probably because i dont want others to know how i feel &my problems. Its my own problem, i should be able to settle all these myself but not everything goes my way all the time, in fact everytime. Apologies to my family for being kinda irritating at home nowadays, turned playful at home &went berserk most of the time because of this problems. I cant afford to be sad &down at this moment of time because i know at this very moment, IF if the people around me gives me more stress especially my parents, i will definitely break down. And that almost happened 2days ago when my dad actually couldnt stand my behaviour, they probably thought their daughter have changed into another person whos totally different from the past. Watching Devil Beside You made me feel worst, re-watched it just a while ago but only Episode 1&2 is enough to make me feel worst. I miss my boss! He was always there to listen to my problems whenever im down but we hadnt been contacting for quite sometime alr. I need someone to talk to! To my closest, its not that i dont trust you guys okay? Its just that i dont want you all to worry about me &spoil the happy mood that you all are having. I shall see when i can still stand all these but i can only say i've totally give up on this matter.

This week is becoming more &more tiring for me, probably because of the first 2papers that i would be having next week &some problems. Got back all my Prelim results &im quite glad that i actually failed 1subject which is Geography.

English - B4
Maths - A2
Combine Science - C6
Combine Humanities - C5
Geography - D7
Chinese - B3

Would have scored 9points if i were to have this results for my N's, getting more &more stress and worried for my N's alr. I need someone to lean on but i know its impossible, i've to learn to depend on myself no matter how stress i am. Conflicts between me &him is getting terrible this week, i didnt expect all these to happen. Im partly at fault but the way he reacted &the way he treated me made me understand some things. I wont force him &i wont think so much about this anymore, not even a single thought. I cant wait to grow up &fufil my dreams, i've got so much things to do when i grow up. ;D


Just finish watching Goong &Tokyo Juliet Episode 13. Both nice shows luh. ;] Gonna watch Wo Shi Jin Shan Sun since i've alr completed watching Goong! ((: Monday chinese paper &tues SS paper, pray hard!

23rd Aug`06
School as usual after the prelims, watched Goong on youtube in the morning till 1030AM. Bath &prepared &head to school. ;] School was alright, got back Maths Paper1 result &Chinese Paper result. Got 50/60 for Maths Paper1 &65 for Chinese Paper. Not very satisfied with my Chinese result but i cant do anything now. ((: After school went home as usual. Cant remember where i went in the night luh.

24th Aug`06
School was alright, got back Geography Paper results &i flunked it. Kinda upset &disappointed luh, but luckily, i didnt flunk badly. Got 47 for it luh. ;] After school head home as usual, dad fetched me up at the bus stop &went to Rochor. He went to get smthing there &we went to have lunch before going home. Slacked at home for like few hrs before going to Tpy at 9pm with my parents. Waited for my brother from 9pm till 11pm, went to Newton Circus for supper. Didnt eat luh. ;D Am going on a diet so i cant eat too much after 8pm. Hah.

25th Aug`06
Went to school also, got back Chemistry Paper2 results. Got 14/30 for it &Mr Rashidin told me that i almost pass but i didnt luh. Felt kinda alright with it because i didnt really study for it luh. ;] Went home after school &watched Goong Episode 7 &8. Ltr going out in the evening to meet WenYan for studying, not going for night class this wk. ((:

Go continue my Goong alr!

21st Aug`06
Happy birthday to my beloved sister Alena! ;] Spend my afternoon with my dad &went home at 5pm to watch tv. Watched till 5++pm &took train down to PS. Met up with Yan, Nita, Roy, Wei Wen, Wai Yang &lastly, our birthday girl at LongJohn. Had our dinner &went to SSC for pool session. While they're playing pool, Yan, Alena &me went out to play in the arcade instead but it was rather small luh. Made a fool of ourselves playing the machines, &Yan kicked the machine because her 1$ was stucked inside &out came 4 1$ coins! Lucky her eh? ;D Played Street Fighter &some games luh. Went in to look for them &watch them play pool till 9+pm, walk togther over to Mrt Station &i left to find my dad while they took train home. Went to Bugis with my dad, buy supper &walk around Bugis Village awhile, went home after that.

22nd Aug`06
Went to school in the morning at 715am for Listening Compre, went home at 845am. ;D Dad fetch me home, bath &prepared den accompanied him to Orchard Plaza. He went to work &i went to walk around myself. Walk up &down from Meridien to CentrePoint to Heeren &back to CentrePoint again. ((: Went back Orchard Plaza to look for my dad at 12pm den went to Hotel81 at Bencoolenn. Went to walk Bugis by myself, the sun was bloody hell luh! Its a pity for not visiting Sentosa today! >< Went to Kopitiam to eat after my dad oka alr, didnt eat cos i was not feeling well because of the bloody sun! Went to East Shore Hospital, waited for him to do his work. Sat there reading magazines for bout an hr &we went to Bedok South. Walk around for like 1/2hr &went to TampinesMall. Paid phone bills &walk around awhile, collected the PhoneBooks &went back home. Tiring luh! Spent the whole morning &afternoon outside walking about. ;D Tmr normal school day again, boring school life &my tuition days are back to normal from next wk onwards! Gotta start studying again, N's are just 2wks away!

I wanna rent vcds luh. Got so many movies to watch &serials to watch. ;D

Back to update! ;D Slept early yesterday night &i woke up in the middle of the night or rather early morning, use the computer for awhile &went to watch tv till 5+am then back to sleep. Woke up again at 7+am because of my brother &dad, bath &wash up, dad drive us to AngMoKio. Accompanied my brother to give out flyers for door-to-door at blocks luh, hell tiring! Went to 5blocks, total of 7blocks because we did 2blocks yesterday noon. Went to have McDonald's breakfast after all the tiring work, had our brkfast &took 88 down to ave8 to get dvds. ((; Took bus back home &watch My Super Ex-gf but i didnt watch all, was tiring so came online instead. Probably watch it ltr on in the night with my 2nd brother luh. Received a call from Chris just now, kinda shock but I just have to apologise to him luh. ;] Couldnt talk on phone with him just now cos i was outside.

Today is such a warm day! Tmr is the outing alr, meeting the ladies &the guys after their movie. ;] Looking forward to tmr but heard that not many are going luh. Kinda disappointed but its alright. ;D Off i go for my chicken wings! Yummilicious!

I got no idea why i hate him alot now, probably because he screwed up this whole thing. ;D Its up to him anyway, i shouldnt blame him because guys are always the same.

My head hurts alot after knocking onto the side of my door and its bloody painful. Am having a headache, pray hard that i wont go stupid after this knock. Helped Jin Wei to edit his blog before updating my blog, how nice of me luh. Not many are going for the outing this Monday, im still thinking about it of cos but it seems like this whole group doesnt seems as close as last yr. Probably because of the coming N's, everyone are facing stress &wants to cherish the time left luh. ;] I saw alot of things i want to get but short of money so have to save up to get all those things.

Im just not in the mood now just because of him. Screw him! Shouldnt have trusted him &i almost fall for his bloody trap. Im not dumb, im not stupid, im not idiotic!